Halloween, but make it lazy.

Also suitably grim

• 

  Dead Inside (But Caffeinated)

  £24.99

  No. 33 / Illustrated

• 

  Retirement Plan: Die On Site

  £24.99

  No. 15 / Trades

• 

  I'm Not Anti-Social, I'm Anti-You

  £24.99

  No. 19 / Charming

Halloween t shirts for people who can't be bothered

Every design here is a Halloween t-shirt in the loosest sense. No fake blood, no hired cape, no plastic fangs that cut your lip before nine o'clock. You put the shirt on, you answer the door, you hand over the sweets and you get back to the sofa. That is the whole costume.

Each one is printed to order on a soft cotton tee in black or white, sizes S to 3XL, and posted anywhere in the UK. Buy two and the delivery is free, so two of you can be equally unenthusiastic for the same money. Because the shirts are printed when you order rather than pulled off a shelf, the Friday 23 October cut-off above is the date to watch if you want yours in your hands for the 31st.

And if you miss it, nothing is wasted. Most of these lines are grim all year round: the meetings, the group chat, the people, the caffeine. November will not make any of them less true.

Can I wear one instead of a proper costume?

That is the idea. A shirt with a line on it counts as effort at a work do or a house party, and nobody has to guess what you are meant to be. You can sit down in it, eat in it and wear it home without peeling half a face of makeup off at midnight.

What colours and sizes do the shirts come in?

Black or white, S to 3XL. Each design has a default colour chosen to suit the print, and you can switch to the other one on the shirt's own page. The photos there show the shirt being worn, so you can see how the design sits before you pick a size.